What Next?

It's fair to say, my life at the moment, is not going at all to plan. Quite frankly, it is pretty darned crappy and that's putting it politely. If I were speaking with you one to one, I can assure you 'crappy' is not the word I would use, it would likely involve a fair few expletives and a lot of hurt angry tears, of which there have been many. However, it is getting a little easier and yesterday, I was far more up than down.

With this in mind and with the new term looming, I decided to take the girls out to dinner. I can do this, I thought. It will be good for me. No having to cook, and perhaps if someone else has cooked it, I may feel more inclined to eat...my appetite is still somewhat suppressed.

My Week on Beta Blockers

Last week, the stress was just too much and my poor resting heart rate was going absolutely nuts; not quite so nuts as it did after having Miss. L, but nuts enough to frighten the living daylights out of me. No one wants a racing heart when the most exertion they've had is drinking a cup of tea.

I'm not a big fan of visiting the Doctor's surgery and, truth be told, I would rather take a chance than willingly go and get checked out, but given it was my heart rate that was causing concern, I relented and got an emergency appointment. Sadly, it was with the duty doctor who doesn't have the benefit of knowing me, but she was very nice and listened.

Black or White

So here I am, using the blog for it's therapeutic qualities. It's one of, but not solely, the reason I started blogging in the first place. You see, I have a terrible habit of over thinking situations and if I don't verbalise them, or write them down, they go round and round my head and, in short, send me absolutely crazy; not good for anyone, least of all me.

It's been a tough few weeks, which have seen my stress levels hit a high they've not done for some time. I've lost 12 pounds in weight and my poor heart rate went through the roof at one point, ending up with me being prescribed beta blockers; I will not be on them for long, they are horrible and making me feel worse than ever, but I could probably write a whole post on that alone.