A Letter To My Girls

To My Wonderful Daughters,

You are both amazing, beautiful, intelligent and funny. I am so very, very proud of you. Every time I think I've worked you out, you do something else that surprises me; usually in a good way.

You are both growing up now, you no longer need me as much as you used to. You go out with your own friends and do things you want to do. You are discovering who you are and where you belong in this World. You're working hard at school and achieving so much more than I ever did, you clever things. Who would have thought I could produce two girls who are such good mathematicians! I struggled so much in that subject, but you both seem to find it easy. Did I mention, how very proud I am of you both.

You are kind girls. You think of others and you're not afraid to stand up for people you see being bullied. You're not afraid to stand up for what you believe in. Don't lose that. It will stand you in good stead. You will do good things that will help change lives with your kindness, compassion and dislike for injustice, but be prepared, it will also land you in hot water from time to time. Don't worry. If it is something you truly believe in and believe it is worth fighting for keep going. People will always get upset if you show them something isn't right. I will be proud of you.

Follow your heart and dream big. You can do whatever you want to do. Only you stand in your way. Never walk on anyone to get where you want to go though, and never be walked on (I know you won't, you're too strong and stubborn for that). Be kind always, and work hard. The people who take short cuts to get what they want, are the ones who won't appreciate what they have, and won't work to keep it. Never give up. I will be proud of you.

I cannot tell you how in awe of you I am. I know that life at home is not easy for either of you at the moment. When I was your ages, I could not have coped with all you are dealing with now. I have always been very open with you about my illness. You know that I live with depression, and you have seen me suffer with it over the years. This time, I know that I am much worse than I have ever been. I try not to cry in front of you, but I have failed so much, and you have seen me sobbing my heart out uncontrollably. I apologise, and you both tell me it's OK, you know it's not my fault, you know I am not well. It fills me with pride and it hurts me too that you have to be so strong and understanding. I am so proud of you.

Miss. L, thank you for the endless cups of tea you provide. Thank you for walking our Little Orange Doggy because I cannot (I secretly think he prefers walks with you). Thank you for helping me to collect the shopping, cook dinners and with jobs around the house. You are awesome!

Miss. D thank you for being a fabulous big sister, I know you are always looking out for your little sister, especially at the moment. Thank you for understanding how difficult anxiety makes it for me to go out and do 'normal' things. Thank you for speaking to your teacher about your concerns over parents evening. You are such a thoughtful awesome girl!

I know that I am not myself. I know that your normal happy, laid back, crazy, fun mum isn't around. I know I am just an empty shell of myself at the moment, and I cannot begin to understand how difficult it must be for you both. Please know, I am trying so hard. Every day I try, because I love you both so much. I know that you worry about me and I know that it is affecting you so much more than you will ever let on to me. Talk to your Dad, talk to your teachers and your friends. Please, do not keep how you feel locked inside.

Talk to each other. Remember that whatever life brings, you will always have your sister. You may not always like each other, but I know that you love one another very much, even when you won't admit it to me or your sister.

You are amazing girls. I love you so much and I am so very proud of you.

With all my love,

Mum xxx