Online Dating Disasters

Yesterday was a good day. The morning saw me prepping a beef stew in my pj's and popping the slow cooker on, then relaxing with a cuppa...all before 7.15am. How good am I? The afternoon was spent with my super annoying friend, Martyn. Now we always have a laugh together, but yesterday was just the cherry on the cake.

Let me explain. As a knee jerk reaction to being dumped, I in my infinite wisdom joined a dating site. Now I am clearly not ready to be dating anyone, anytime soon and frankly, that is just as well given the quality of match's I am receiving. I've been moaning to Martyn about it for a bit and decided it was time to show him exactly what the problem is. It's fair to say that it didn't take him long to see what I was up against.


There were a couple of chaps whom, quite frankly had either blatantly lied about their age, or had experienced the most difficult lives known to any living being. Now, I'm not young. I am almost 47 years old, but I am blessed with fabulous genes and am often mistaken for being anything from 8 - 10 years younger than I really am. These fellas though, well let me just say one of them looked nearer 60 years old as opposed to the 42 years he claimed to be.

Then there was aged catalogue model man. Remember the catalogue your mum used to have back in the 80's? All the dodgy poses? Oh yes, ladies, this chap is out there, he's older, fatter, very, very single and he's still pulling those dodgy poses in the hope of reeling you in. Thank you kindly sir, but I think I'll pass by with lightening speed.

Next ladies, we have the gents that post the worst photo they could possibly find. You know the one that is a screenshot of an actual printed photo (remember those) and, therefore, not recent at all, or the one that shows only part of their face. Again, thanks, but no thanks.

Finally, we have the men whom we can only assume are men, but we can't be entirely sure because they've shared a profile picture of a pot plant, or a mountain, or their dog. Quite how these chaps think they are going to get any interest is beyond me. Really girls, do any of you fancy dating a pot plant? I thought not. Neither do I.

Now I realise this all sounds just a little dire, but there is an upside. As I said, I'm not looking for anyone at the moment, I'm not interested and I'm not ready, but the laughter that has been caused by these horrendous profiles has been ridiculously therapeutic. Well they do say laughter is the best medicine don't they. And the laughter just continued, because a certain gentleman (I uses that term loosely) decided to Tweet our afternoon entertainment, thereby sharing the amusement. It was actually so much fun, that I am now seriously considering making it a regular event and inviting some of you along.

However, on a serious note...boys, you need to up your game (girls you may need to as well). Make an effort, please. Don't lie about your age. Choose at least one decent photo, no plants, or blurs and make your profile is at least vaguely interesting.

#ablogginggoodtime